Drfunkenberry.com
17Aug
2010
4

LeBron James: “Lebron Can Take The Heat”

Lebron James. Photo: Ben Watts/GQ Magazine
Lebron James. Photo: Ben Watts/GQ Magazine

Lebron James. Photo: Ben Watts/GQ Magazine

We were almost not going to call Lebron James Lebum James today..until we read the GQ cover article featuring him and him talking in the 3rd person.

When talking about Cavs Owner Dan Gilbert Lebum said:

“I don’t think he ever cared about LeBron. My mother always told me: ‘You will see the light of people when they hit adversity. You’ll get a good sense of their character.’ Me and my family have seen the character of that man.”

Despite him turning into the wrestler "The Rock" in these comments, he is somewhat right.  As much I think James TV special announcing his decision to leave Cleveland, Gilbert's comments were too much. 

He also talked with GQ if he would ever return to Cleveland:

“If there was an opportunity for me to return and those fans welcome me back, that’d be a great story.… Maybe the ones burning my jersey were never LeBron fans anyway.”

That would be something.  The burning of the jerseys was too much as well, even if you do feel betrayed as a fan. 

So far it seems his friends and family are his biggest fans still;

“They’re happy to see me happy. That’s what they can see in my face. They say: ‘It’s been a while since we’ve seen you look like that.’”

Are you over James decision yet?-Dr.FB

20Jul
2010
4

Michael Jordan On LeBum’s Decision “There’s No Way I Would Do It”

Michael Jordan. Photo: Nike.com
Michael Jordan. Photo: Nike.com

Michael Jordan. Photo: Nike.com

Bill Parcells said it best.  "He hasn't won anything yet.  Don't anoint him."  He was speaking of Tony Romo but the same can be said about LeBron James. 

Until 2 weeks ago, LeBron James was called the "next Michael Jordan" and nicknames of "King James" and "The Chosen 1" when he doesn't have a ring to his name.  Yes, there is a reason why I chose a photo of Michael Jordan with all those rings.  James will never see that many rings unless Pat Riley let's him borrow his. 

I have been waiting to hear what Michael Jordan thought of Lebum's decision and it did not disappoint.

"There's no way, with hindsight, I would've ever called up Larry [Bird], called up Magic [Johnson] and said, 'Hey, look, let's get together and play on one team,'"

"But that's ... things are different. I can't say that's a bad thing. It's an opportunity these kids have today. In all honesty, I was trying to beat those guys."

Jordan speaks of a time where it was all about competitiveness and drive.  Something that James lacks.  He doesn't want to be the man taking the last shot. He wants to be the man who passes the ball to the man taking the last shot. 

Charles Barkley even weighed in stating:

"He'll never be Jordan," "This clearly takes him out of the conversation. He can win as much as he wants to.

"There would have been something honorable about staying in Cleveland and trying to win it as 'The Man' ... LeBron, if he would've in Cleveland, and if he could've got a championship there, it would have been over the top for his legacy, just one in Cleveland. No matter how many he wins in Miami, it clearly is Dwyane Wade's team."

Miami and most of Florida do not see the problem with James going to Miami.  From the way he handled it by having an hour special to announce it and saying "I am taking my talents to South Beach."  It wasn't so much arrogance, but that he still hasn't won anything. 

Make no mistake about it; his odds of winning one or a few went up by joining Wade in Miami, but his legacy is tarnished.  Sometimes, that means more.  If he wouldn't have done the 1 hour special, people still would have been upset.  If he went to Chicago, people would not be as pissed because he would be the man.

Last week's cover of Sports Illustrated said it all with the cover shot.  Lebum looking over Wade's shoulder.  It's clearly not his team and he will never have to worry about being compared to Michael Jordan ever again.-Dr.FB

19Jul
2010
1

LeBum James Runs Away To The Bahamas

LeBron James. Photo: SplashNewsOnline.com
LeBron James. Photo: SplashNewsOnline.com

LeBron James. Photo: SplashNewsOnline.com

The basketball player we formerly called Lebron James but is now known as LeBum James was spotted in the Bahamas. 

From the photo above, it still looks like he is running away from Cleveland to us.  Also, check out the tattoo he has; "Loyalty" and that is quite the joke.

He was there with his girlfriend Savannah Brinson, who we did not show on purpose.  Just because she has bad judgement in men does not mean we should badger her as well. 

In other news, we hear Lebum is about to buy a $50 million dollar pad in Coral Gables, Fl.  So to the underage kid in Florida sending us murder threats, Lebum is doing just fine with me talking about him so chill out and use the school computer for actual schoolwork. Ha!-Dr.FB

12Jul
2010
7

LeBum James Needs To Take A Seat

Lebron James. File Photo
Lebron James. File Photo

Lebron James. File Photo

I am going to say it; I never liked Lebron James.  There was something about him that just rubbed me the wrong way.  Last week, he gave me a reason to not like him so I don't feel guilty for my feelings.

Let's be real here; we all knew that Lebum was not going to resign with Cleveland or else he would have done it last year when a huge offer was on the table.  This was planned since at least 2006 with Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, and Lebum.  They all signed deals in 2007 to be free agents in 2010 with hopes of playing somewhere together.

The NBA says they will look into player tampering and Marc Cuban, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, is hoping David Stern takes off the kid gloves with this situation. 

Los Angeles Laker free agent Derek Fisher met with the Heat on Saturday and Lebum was there to greet him and ask him to join the darkside....at least i think that is what he asked.

My sources say Fisher has no intention of signing with the Heat, but is letting the Lakers know he has options and to stop low-balling him in contract negotiations. 

My advice to Lebum is to start laying low and let this blow over.  That being said, the Heat are going to get a LOT of coverage over the upcoming NBA season.  Expect TNT to carry a lot of games.  Expect a Christmas game between the Heat and the Cavs in Cleveland.  They are going to be the team that everyone is going to root against.   Kind of like the Dallas Cowboys in the NFL.  People may not have a favorite team but they tune in just to root against them and that means ratings.

Note to Jerry Jones.  I love the Dallas Cowboys.

So for now, Lebum, take a seat, somewhere.  Maybe on South Beach.  Maybe in your new Villa in Miami.  But for a while, please go away.  Either that, or I am going to have to talk about you and seriously, I hate talking about you more than I hate talking about Lindsay Lohan.-Dr.FB

12Jul
2010
2

John Mayer’s Decision: He Will Play For Cleveland

John Mayer has made a decision; he will play for Cleveland....and Miami...and New York.  He is announcing his tour line up but it still hella funny...and still a whole lot classier than Lebron Lebum James's decision last week.

Check it out above..and pay attention to his scoring highlight.-Dr.FB